Habits are simple to change. Just do the new thing or the old thing differently and keep doing it. Right?
Unfortunately there are many internal and external forces working against that and it is largely why the coaching profession exists. There are actually at least 11 steps to habit change, no matter what various less-steps-guides might claim. I’ve generated this list in real time in discussions with clients and friends many times over the years and finally wrote this version down.
The first part of doing a thing is knowledge of the thing. For this example, let’s call the new thing “fnibbing”.
1. Don’t know about fnibbing.
2. Know about fnibbing.
The first steps are relatively easy to pass and the self-help industry exists to provide these steps. Whether fnibbing is good or not is a whole different topic, but for the sake of this post lets assume fnibbing is something that is good to do.
The second major hurdle is intention:
3. Don’t intend to fnib.
4. Intend to fnib.
This is where progress often stops. This is also a place where a lot of work in my coaching happens as the gap between 3 and 4 is much larger than it seems.
You might have noticed this yourself with thought patterns like “I should fnib more”, “I would be so much happier fnibbing” and “I could start fnibbing tomorrow”. I’ve written about my own experience with this barrier a decade ago and over the years I’ve become proficient at noticing the conditional mood in my own thoughts and in words of other people. It’s a great way to detect obstacles you are not yet aware of and either dealing with them or simply moving past them.
A key step in forming this new habit is awareness of fnibbing itself:
5. Notice not fnibbing afterwards.
6. Notice not fnibbing in real-time.
7. Notice (accidentally) fnibbing afterwards.
8. Notice not fnibbing and choose to fnib instead in real-time.
This is an area that both inspired this post and where a lot of my work as a coach happens. People get disheartened by repeatedly hitting step 5 or 6 on the path to fnibbing, instead of celebrating their progress in noticing their old habits instead of just running on them.
The next step is where people try to jump to directly from step 2:
9. Fnib on purpose.
This is the simple part of habit change, just fnib regularly and that leads to:
10. Fnib habitually
11. Fnib without even noticing.
At this point things get easy. You can actually just fnib and after some time your brain stops paying attention to fnibbing because there is no need to. A sometimes frustrating side effect of this are the bonus steps I added here for the sake of completion:
12. Forget fnibbing exists.
13. Realize not everyone fnibs.
The last two cause all kinds of issues, that I’m know about and currently don’t intend to get back to.
Here’s the full list:
1. Don’t know about fnibbing.
2. Know about fnibbing.
3. Don’t intend to fnib.
4. Intend to fnib.
5. Notice not fnibbing afterwards.
6. Notice not fnibbing in real-time.
7. Notice (accidentally) fnibbing afterwards.
8. Notice not fnibbing and choose to fnib instead in real-time.
9. Fnib on purpose.
10. Fnib habitually.
11. Fnib without even noticing.
(12. Forget fnibbing exists.)
(13. Realize not everyone fnibs.)
If you’re interested in getting started with fnibbing or are stuck somewhere above step 10, you can message me on LinkedIn, email me at the address on the bottom of this page or book a free starting session right here,